Prologue
Do you remember when you were young, I do. Id give anything to go back just to fall in love with the man whos now my husband of 15 years. We met in high school and I knew it was love at first site, I was friends with his girlfriend at that time and envied her every time I saw her with him. He was one of those guys that you felt like you were falling into a black abyss for and would die if you didnt have him. Well before I go on any further let me introduce myself to you, my name is Crystal Rivers I'am not as young as I used to be but however I never regreat falling in love with Jonathon Summers.
Chapter One (Fall, 1950)
"Hey Crystal." Yelled my best friend Amber Jenkins. I looked in the direction I had heard her voice, she was trying to make her way through the chaotic cluster of students in her way.
(thats all I have time for)
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
There's nothing wrong with having a story set in the 50's... that actually gives me more reason to read it. I find historical fiction fascinating. My main problem with your story is the spelling, punctuation, and not so great grammar.
Eek. It should read: "Do you remember when you were young? I do. In fact, I'd give anything to go back just to fall in love with the man who is now my husband of fifteen years."
No. Please no. I hate it when characters introduce themselves... seriously, it's just not cool. It screams, "Hi, I'm a new writer and don't know my characters very well so I'll let them talk to you."
I don't have time to crit any more, but if you go back and fix grammar and especially spelling, I'd be happy to re-read it. Don't ever give up; I think you have potential.
Hey Jade! I like the way you started this one. Pretty much all I saw wrong with it was some of the grammer and puncuation like Mattie said. Did I spell punctuation right? LOL! I dunno. Anywayz, I can't wait till you get the story started. Keep me posted.
Thanks I had feeling that no one would quite like it, what with it being sat in 50's but thanks and ill keep you up to date with the story
Dreamer! Short but sweet! I can't wait to read more of the chapter since I can't really critique on this short post. My favorite line was:
He was one of those guys that you felt like you were falling into a black abyss for and would die if you didnt have him.
You also need to check up on grammer and puncuation. Just read back through and you'll catch them. I think you were typing this on the interent then posted it so you missed a few things. Also, have you noticed all the buffy pictures around as avatars? I've seen three...good thing I didn't choose one because I was going to. The one I wanted was really cool too. Welcome and can't wait for your next post!